To start off, I need to briefly review what happened when we lost Tace. He and I were both doing well and were completely healthy up until the day we actually lost him. That day I woke up feeling great and everything progressed as a normal Sunday. After church I started to feel cold and a little feverish--this was around 1:00 or so in the afternoon. We took my temperature when we got home and I had a slight fever that was barely over 100 degrees. So we gave me some Tylenol and put me to bed. A couple hours later my temperature had gone up. It finally started climbing so fast that we decided to go to the hospital. We got to the Insta-Care around 7:00 pm and my fever was at 106.8 degrees. So in the short time span of 6 hours I had gone from feeling normal and healthy to having a dangerously high fever, being septic with an infection throughout my entire bloodstream and uterus, and had a baby who no longer had a heartbeat. This infection and fever seemed to have come out of nowhere and within a few hours it had altered our lives forever....taking the life of our precious little boy and almost my own.
Needless to say, after going through that experience with Tace, we have been pretty nervous throughout this pregnancy with our second little boy. We have met with several different doctors and specialists to see if there is anything we should do to prevent this from happening again, and all of them have said that there is no reason it ever should have happened in the first place. They have no idea how the Strep B bacteria got into my bloodstream, but because it was so rare, they also told us that it is very unlikely it would ever happen again. This helped to ease some of our fears and concerns, but it was still hard not to worry. Brian and I were both anxious to get past the 22 week mark, which was how far along we were when we lost Tace. We knew there could still be complications after that point, but somehow getting past that seemed like a huge milestone.
Well in the middle of July, at 19.5 weeks, some of our biggest fears began to be a reality. I had a fever. I had been feeling a little under the weather all day on Friday 7/10 and I had taken my temperature several times throughout the day because I was worried about having a fever. My temperature was normal every time so I thought I must have a little bug that was going around. However, I took my temperature one more time before heading to bed and I had a fever. It was a very low grade fever, but my fever had started very low grade with Tace as well. I was suddenly terrified. Normally a low grade fever isn't a big deal, even if you are pregnant, but for us, it is a very big deal. I went downstairs and told Brian and he told me to get my shoes on because we were heading to the hospital. Last time we had tried to wait things out and let the fever go away on it's own, and last time we were too late.
On our way to the ER we called our OB/GYN to ask him what he thought we should do. He said he thought it was probably nothing to be concerned about, but because of our history he did want us to go in and get things checked out. He called ahead to the ER to let them know about our situation and why we were so worried about a fever that was currently very low. When we got to the ER they took us back, took some blood cultures, and started me on some fluids through an IV. We were there from about 11:00 pm to 3:00 am that night. They ran my blood cultures and everything looked ok. There weren't any signs of bacteria in my blood like there was last time. They also came in and checked the baby's heartbeat. I don't know if there is any sound in the world that is more precious to me than that sound. After not being able to hear Tace's heartbeat when we lost him, I cherish that sound. And good news--our baby still had a good strong heartbeat! I was so grateful he was still ok. They finally sent us home with instructions to keep me on Tylenol and to monitor the fever every couple of hours. If it got worse, I needed to come back in for further testing.
So we monitored the fever the rest of that night, all day Saturday, Saturday night, and into Sunday. I still continued to have a fever the whole time, but it stayed somewhere between 99 and 100.5 degrees as long as I was on the Tylenol. However, Sunday morning it started to climb. We were on our way to church when I took my temperature and noticed that it was over 101 degrees. We started to get nervous. However, I was at the end of a Tylenol cycle and was just getting ready to take my next dose, so we decided to give the Tylenol a little bit of time to set in and then we would check again. So we went to Sacrament Meeting and right after the Sacrament I stepped outside to check my temperature again. It was now 102.2 degrees. It was going up, not down. Now the worry was starting to consume me.
I headed back in to the meeting and let Brian know where my temperature was at. He was also getting more and more concerned. We decided to give it the rest of the meeting and it if hadn't gone down by then, we'd call our doctor again. Needless to say, I was a bit of a nervous wreck during the remainder of the meeting. Our ward's youth had just gotten back from Trek and so the bishopric had asked several different young men, young women, and leaders to come up and share their testimonies and some of the experiences they had had on Trek. The first young woman to come up talked about how she hadn't wanted to go on Trek at first, but her parents had helped encourage her to go. She then said a quote that hit me hard. I don't remember exactly what she said, or if it was a quote she read somewhere or if it was something her parents had said, but what I do remember her saying is, "You can do hard things."
The tears just started coming at that point. All I could think was, "Heavenly Father, I know I can do hard things, but I can't do this again. I can't live through losing another baby. Please, please, don't make me do this again. Please protect my baby." The tears continued to flow on and off throughout the meeting. I was so worried about something being wrong and about the possibility of losing this little boy as well. As soon as the meeting was over we left and called our doctor again. Because my fever was over 102 degrees on the Tylenol he told us to head back in to the ER. He called ahead again to let them know we were on our way. So we were headed back to the ER for a second time in less than 36 hours.
As soon as we got there they took me back and took blood cultures again. Our doctor had also ordered an ultrasound to check on the baby and had requested that I be admitted for a 23 hour observation. So it looked like we'd be spending the night in the hospital. They came and picked me up with a wheel chair to take me to the ultrasound. Sitting in that wheelchair....going to get an ultrasound....this is when the flashbacks from losing Tace really started:
11/24/13--I remember sitting in the wheelchair as the nurse rushed me from the Insta-Care to the ER, and then straight up to Labor and Delivery. It was while I was in this wheelchair that I got the distinct impression that Tace was not ok. As soon as they got us up to Labor and Delivery they checked for a heartbeat. When they couldn't find one they brought in an ultrasound machine and checked again. There was still no heartbeat. Our precious Tace was gone.
I tried to shake myself out of it and not let the fears of what happened last time overcome me now. I silently started praying, trying to exercise faith that everything would be ok rather than letting the fears take over. We got to the ultrasound room and we both waited breathlessly as the technician started the ultrasound. Bri held my hand and I was so grateful to have him by my side. Of course the technician started by checking my ovaries and cervix before the baby....I really wanted to say, "Can you just show us the heartbeat and then go back and check everything else?" but I refrained. She did finally get to checking the baby....and there was still a heartbeat. We both sighed in relief. He was still ok for now.
After the ultrasound they took us to the room that we would be staying in. They wanted to keep me on the Labor and Delivery floor so they could monitor me and the baby, but that floor was full so they kept me in the Mother and Child (or pediatric) ward. The next several days brought on a roller-coaster of emotions and many different tests. Needless to say we ended up being in the hospital for much longer than the 23 hour observation we had originally been planning on.
Later that first night (Sunday 7/12) our OB/GYN came to check on me. All of my blood tests were coming back without any signs of bacteria, however, my fever was still climbing and was now sitting around 104 degrees. Our OB said that he would like to pull a few other doctors in to check on me to get some other opinions and insight. So we ended up meeting with several internal medicine doctors and an infectious disease specialist throughout our stay. Since they couldn't find any bacteria in my blood, they were worried that the bacteria may be somewhere else. I had been having some pretty intense headaches along with the fevers so they decided to do a spinal tap to check my spinal fluid for bacteria. They thought there could be a chance that I had bacterial spinal meningitis.
The initial results from my spinal tap came back in the middle of that first night. They had seen some bacteria in the initial gram stains of my spinal fluid. They had sent the samples up to the main hospital in Murray to have them examined more closely and to see if the samples grew any bacteria cultures. However, in the meantime, they started me on another heavy antibiotic that would penetrate my spinal fluid in case I really did have bacterial spinal meningitis. Brian and I both became more concerned with this new possibility. Bri had done some research on bacterial meningitis and the numbers and information he found made us realize how serious this could be for me and we were still extremely concerned about the baby. We, along with many family members and friends, continued to pray that everything would be ok and that the baby and I could both be safe. I am so grateful for all the prayers that were offered in our behalf because I know those prayers were heard and answered.
The following morning the doctors came in to talk to us about the results they had found. Apparently there was some confusion with the tests that had been done on my spinal fluid. The initial gram stain done at the American Fork Lab came back positive, but when they did a gram stain at the lab in Murray it came back negative. They then did the more in depth test and after sitting for several hours the samples had not grown any bacteria cultures. They decided to test another sample of the fluid. This time the gram stain came back positive at the Murray lab, but again the samples never grew any cultures under the more extensive tests. So....they weren't sure if I had bacterial meningitis or not, but there was a possibility. Because there was a possibility they were going to continue to treat me for it (because not treating me if I really did have it could end up being life threatening).
After the doctors talked to us about the spinal tap results they decided to move me to the ICU so they could monitor all of my vitals at all times. At this point my fever was still ranging between 101 and 104 on the Tylenol and the headaches were still really bad....actually, the headaches were much worse because of the spinal tap. And because the fevers were still so high my body would go through cycles of being so cold I couldn't stop shaking and could barely stay focused on anything to sweating uncontrollably. It was not a pleasant cycle. So they moved us down and we spent Monday (7/13) in the ICU. I have never had so many cords and machines hooked up to me all at once. As soon as we got down to the ICU the internal medicine doctor ordered a heart echo cardiogram for me. Since they weren't 100% certain that I had bacterial meningitis, they still wanted to check other places for the infection. So they ordered the echo cardiogram to check for infection around my heart. Thankfully that test came back negative.
At this point we realized we were definitely going to be in the hospital for a while so my mom came out to stay so that she and Brian could both be there to take care of me. I don't know what I would have done without the two of them. They are both angels and did all they could to take care of me and keep me comfortable during our stay.
After 24 hours of watching my vitals the doctors decided they could move me out of the ICU. I still couldn't go home, but I didn't have to be hooked to so many machines. They were going to move us to the Med/Surg floor and continue to monitor me there. Before all of this happened Brian and I had an appointment scheduled for Thursday to meet with our high risk specialist to do our 20 week ultrasound. However, because I was in the hospital, she decided to come do our ultrasound there instead and check on me and the baby. So we ended up doing our 20 week ultrasound with her on Tuesday (7/14) instead of Thursday.
The nurses came to get me with a wheelchair again. We stopped by our new room on the Med/Surg floor to drop off our stuff and then headed to the ultrasound. I was to the point in my fever cycle that I was freezing, shaking, and having a hard time concentrating...especially with the spinal headaches on top of the fever. I did my best to concentrate on everything as they checked the baby, but I was glad Brian was there to listen to everything they were saying so he could tell me about it again later. The technician said that everything was looking good and that our little boy looked like he was healthy and doing well. It was such a relief to hear that after the past 2.5 days we'd had. Then our high risk specialist came in to talk to us. She said everything was looking good with the baby so far, but they were still concerned that I was so sick....especially since they hadn't pinpointed where the infection was for sure (since the spinal tap results were still questionable). She presented another possible option for why I was so sick that hit me like a ton of bricks. She said there was a possibility that the infection was in my uterus. If there were an infection in my uterus it wouldn't show up in blood tests, spinal taps, or echo cardiograms...all of which I'd had so far. She said the way to test for it would be to do an amniocentesis....which that procedure can present a possibility for infection on it's own because you have to puncture the amniotic sack. However, she said that they couldn't do an amniocentesis with me on as many antibiotics as I was on because even if my uterus were infected, the test would come back negative because of the combination of heavy antibiotics. So she said if my fever continued, or came back after finishing the antibiotics I was on (which I'd be on for another couple weeks) then they would test at that point. This was just a theory, but if I continued not to get better it could be a definite possibility.
My heart felt heavy through her entire explanation. I finally got up the courage to ask the one question that had been circulating through my mind since she introduced this possible theory. I asked, "If there were an infection in my uterus, would there be anything we could do to save the baby?" She slowly shook her head. She said that if there were an infection in my uterus they would need to induce and deliver immediately. There would be no way to get me better until they got rid of the infection by delivering....and at barely 20 weeks, there is no way our little boy would have any chance of surviving. The tears started flowing and my heart sank. Bri's grip on my hand tightened and I knew he was feeling the same despair. It was hard enough losing Tace, but by the time we delivered him he was already gone....there was nothing we could have done. But we had just seen our second little boy in the ultrasound three minutes before. The technician had just told us that he was healthy and that everything was looking great. I couldn't imagine finding out the infection really was in my uterus and having to induce and deliver him knowing he was doing great on the inside, but would have no chance of survival on the outside. Brian and I both began hoping and praying that this sickness was being caused by anything other than an infection in my uterus. Suddenly bacterial spinal meningitis was sounding like a good answer in comparison, despite the fact that it could be potentially very dangerous for me.
So, Tuesday started out as a really tough day...Talking with the specialist and knowing an infection in the uterus could be a possibility had Brian and I both really discouraged. However, Tuesday is also the day that things started to look up. We started to see evidence of all of our many prayers being answered and began to witness the tender mercies of a loving Heavenly Father. It was Tuesday afternoon that my fever finally broke. It was still down that evening by the time my afternoon Tylenol cycle wore off....so they didn't give me my evening dose of Tylenol so we could see if the fever was really gone or not. The fever never came back. This sudden turn around in my condition was nothing short of of a miracle. I know without a doubt that Heavenly Father heard and answered our prayers.
They continued to monitor me all day Wednesday, but the fever never returned. I still had really intense spinal headaches and was really weak, but at least the fever was gone. All of my test results on my blood work and spinal fluid continued to come back negative. Because of that first initial positive result on my spinal fluid, they continued to treat me for meningitis, but the infectious disease specialist was feeling less and less certain that I really had meningitis. However, he said he wanted to finish the treatments for it just to be on the safe side.
They kept me overnight one more night and then started working on getting me ready to be released on Thursday. In order to continue my treatments for meningitis I would have to have IV antibiotics given to me twice a day for about 2 weeks, and be on a strong oral antibiotic for a month. Because I would need IV antibiotics for so long they put a picc line in my arm that ran into my chest. That way the antibiotics could be pumped in close to my heart so that they could then be pumped throughout my body quickly. They inserted the picc line Thursday evening and I was finally released to go home Thursday night.
It has now been just over a month since I spent those 5 days in the hospital and I am feeling so much better. I was pretty weak for about 2 weeks after I was released from the hospital, but I eventually regained my strength. I finished my IV antibiotic treatment about 10 days after leaving the hospital and was able to get the picc line removed. We've been back to see the infectious disease specialist for a few follow-up visits since then and he said that things are looking good. So, we never actually found out for sure what or where the infection was....the doctors had a few theories, but no 100% positive results. We know I was extremely sick, and we know I got better while I was in the hospital on antibiotics, but they still don't know for sure what the cause was. The whole experience still makes us pretty nervous because it was so similar to what happened when we lost Tace (and the timing was within 2 weeks of when everything happened with Tace), but there isn't enough evidence to say the two incidents were related at all. It makes us slightly nervous that something like this might happen again the next time we are expecting....but hopefully that won't be the case.
I saw this quote on Facebook a couple days after we got out of the hospital and it really stuck with me.
We had experienced heartbreaking sorrow and grief when we lost Tace, and there were many times throughout that week in the hospital last month that I felt overwhelmed by those same feelings and felt that we were being tested to our limits, or possibly beyond...especially as we would think of all the unknowns and the possibility that we might have to face losing another child....and as Brian had to deal with the possibilities of potentially losing another child and me. But, as President Monson said, I believe that these difficulties we faced have helped us to change for the better. I miss Tace every day, but I have grown closer to Brian and to my Savior because I have needed them both to get through the heartache that has accompanied his loss. And, throughout this last experience in the hospital both mine and Brian's faith was really tested. We tried to be optimistic, press forward with faith, and accept our Heavenly Father's will no matter what it may be.....but it was hard to do that when there were so many fears plaguing us and coming at us from every angle. However, our Heavenly Father did hear our prayers and our pleadings for help, strength, and a miracle. As we saw that miracle begin to unfold, our faith and our testimonies were strengthened all the more.
I am so grateful that our precious little boy and I both made it out of this experience ok. I'm glad that we are both healthy and doing well now. And I am grateful beyond measure for a Heavenly Father who hears and answers prayers. He truly does love each and every one of us and will send forth His tender mercies to bless us in times of need...of this I have no doubt.
