Our Family of Three

When Tace was born we didn't get very many pictures of Tace with Brian and I.  I've been wanting to take some family pictures that include Tace for a while now and we finally did it this weekend!  Thanks to my wonderful mother who was our photographer!  She did a great job.

Our family of three.

And some of just Bri and me.

Temple Marathon

So back in July I posted about how Brian and I have been doing a "Fantasy Date" once a month.  Well this month's fantasy date (October) was a lot of fun and a really neat, spiritual experience for both of us.

A couple months ago I started looking into some family history stuff and I wanted to find a family name for Brian and I that we could take through the temple.  It took a lot of looking, but I finally found 2 names for both of us.  The 2 females and 1 of the males were from my side and the other male was from Brian's side.

So, now that I had found us some names, I wanted to plan a time for us to take these names through the temple.  Thus, our October Fantasy Date was a temple marathon!  We wanted to hit several of the northern Utah temples that we had never been to before.  So...

We did baptisms and confirmations at the Salt Lake Temple.

We did initiatory in the Ogden Temple.

After completing Initiatory, we drove to Logan and spent the evening with our friends Curtis and Tiffany Larson.  We went to dinner at Texas Roadhouse (delicious!), played games, visited, and we stayed the night at their apartment.  It was a ton of fun to see them again and we had a lot of fun together that evening.

This picture pretty much sums up their personalities!  :)  They are both really fun and funny!















The following morning we got up and our marathon continued...

We did an Endowment session in the Logan Temple.

And finally, we did sealings in the Brigham City Temple.

Completed Names!!

 (1 male and 1 female still need their endowments completed.  We only had time for one Endowment session this weekend.  And, we need more information on the parents of these 4 people before we can seal them to their parents.)


It was such a neat experience.  It put a whole new emphasis on all the ordinances as we did them for someone in our family.  We both felt the spirit so strongly throughout all the ordinances.  This trip strengthened my testimony--both in the importance of attending the temple, and the importance of family history work.

We have heard so much about the importance of temple attendance lately from the general authorities.  This topic was talked about thoroughly during the Ogden Temple Dedication, it was the main theme in the General Women's Broadcast, and it was mentioned several times during General Conference this month.  If we want to remain strong through these latter days, we need to be in the temple.  The temple will help guard us from temptations, it will strengthen our family relationships, and it will give us the strength we need to make it through the trials we are facing.  (That last part is definitely true.  Attending the temple has helped Brian and I so much throughout this past year.)

So in conclusion....attend the temple! Go often! And if possible, take family names to complete.  It truly adds a whole new perspective to the work we are doing for those on the other side.

Keep Walking

So this morning, I'll admit that I was kind of upset and frustrated about this roller-coaster of emotions we keep having to ride....which is unusual for me.  I am more of a person who gets "sad" if things don't turn out the way I want, not "mad". And to clarify, I wasn't "mad" at Heavenly Father...I was just mad and frustrated in general.

I was having a hard time shaking the feeling off so I decided I should try to read my scriptures and get myself into a better frame of mind.  Well, let's just say I was sufficiently humbled.  I didn't even get as far as reading my actual scriptures...I opened my scriptures and looked at my bookmark.  It's a bookmark I got in Relief Society last year that had our theme for the year.  At the top it says, "The Pioneers Kept Walking!"  Then it has this quote from President Monson:

"This should be our purpose--to preserve and endure, yes, but also to become more spiritually refined as we make our way through sunshine and sorrow.  Were it not for challenges to overcome and problems to solve, we would remain much as we are, with little or no progress toward our goal of eternal life."

I think we've been experiencing a lot of the heat from the refiners fire lately...and sometimes it's hard to remember that we are experiencing these trials of our faith so that we may one day become more like our Savior.  Sometimes it is hard to see the big picture and the "higher plan" while we are here on earth.  I guess we just need to always do our best to remain faithful through our trials and continue pressing forward.

So, yes, I was sufficiently humbled.  We'll just "keep walking" and do our best to keep our heads held high and have a positive attitude as we continue our climb up these mountains. 

In conclusion I want to share one more quote.  A few weeks ago Brian and I reread Elder Ballard's talk from our last General Conference (April 2014).  This promise he gave still gives us both a lot of hope that one day some of these trials will come to a close.

"Your secret yearnings and tearful pleadings will touch the heart of both the Father and the Son.  You will be given a personal assurance from Them that your life will be full and that no blessing that is essential will be lost to you...Arms now empty will be filled, and hearts now hurting from broken dreams and yearning will be healed."

That is a great promise.  Someday our arms will be filled.  And some day our hearts, which are hurting from broken dreams of life without our sweet Tace, will be healed.  We'll "Keep Walking" with the hope of this promise in mind.

"Sometimes, that mountain doesn't move."

Brian's sister, Nicole, sent us this Charley Jenkins music video today and I loved the message that he portrayed.  (Thanks Nicole!)  Charley Jenkins is from our hometown of Roosevelt, Utah so it almost makes it seem more personal coming from him.  Thanks Charley for the beautiful and inspiring song.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J44vAOp1BmM&feature=youtu.be&app=desktop

That Mountain—Charley Jenkins

A young bride on her knees asking God, “Please, don’t let it rain.”

With the groom and family outside waiting, on her wedding day.

“Please let the clouds roll by.  Oh, give us clear blue skies,” she prays.

Down the road a few miles out of town a farmer’s on his knees.

His crops are dying in the fields.  They won’t last another week.

“Don’t let the clouds pass by.  Let rain drops fill the sky,” he prays.

Sometimes all we see is our slice of reality. 

And things are not as simple as they seem to be.

There’s times, hard as we pray, heaven has another way.

And even though there’s nothing faith can’t do,

Sometimes, that mountain doesn't move.

Gathered in a waiting room, the family hopes that the doctor’s wrong,

When he says machines have kept her here, but she’s already gone.

“Our daughter’s way too young.  Don’t let her days be done,” they pray.

Three floors up, just down the hall, a little one’s shutting down.

He’s been the first name on that list…going on six months now.

“Please let this be the day a new heart’s on its way,” he prays.

Sometimes all we see is our slice of reality. 

And things are not as simple as they seem to be.

There’s times, hard as we pray, heaven has another way.

And even though there’s nothing faith can’t do,

Sometimes, that mountain doesn't move.

I hope one day I can see all the strokes in the masterpiece.

And finally understand how they fit in the master plan.
(He's in the Roosevelt Cemetary in this scene...not far from where our little Tace's headstone is at.)

Sometimes all we see is our slice of reality. 

And things are not as simple as they seem to be.

It’s hard when we pray and heaven has another way.

And even though there’s nothing faith can’t do,

He knows what’s best for me and you,

And that mountain doesn't move.

I loved this message.  Part of it was hard to hear because I want the things I am praying for so badly, but I do know that our Heavenly Father has a plan prepared for us.  I love the chorus.  It is so true that often all we can see is "Our slice of reality."  It is hard to see the big picture and the overall master plan while we are here on earth.  My slice of reality really is all I can see, and right now our reality is that we have been facing some pretty big trials.  First, we lost our little Tace, which is a hard enough trial to face on its own.  And now, we're having to wait much longer than we hoped to welcome another child into our home.  Both are difficult trials to face....and especially both at the same time.  

Sometimes we may feel like our prayers are not being heard because we are not receiving the answers we are praying for.  It is hard when we are exercising our faith, doing what we are supposed to, and when we know that all things are possible through faith in our Savior...It's hard to not see the results of that faith in the manner that we desire.  But like this song said, "There's times, hard as we pray, heaven has another way. And even though there's nothing faith can't do, sometimes, that mountain doesn't move."  And I love what he adds in to the last chorus, "It's hard when we pray and heaven has another way.  And even though there's nothing faith can't do, He knows what's best for me and you, and that mountain doesn't move."  

We definitely have some mountains in front of us....and we've been praying that they will move.  However, it may not be time for those mountains to move.  I think we can continue to pray for them to move, but perhaps we also need to focus on praying for the strength to climb those mountains.  These trials are obviously happening for a reason....do I understand that reason? No.  Do I like it?  No....I'd much rather not be facing these trials.  But, I do trust in my Heavenly Father.  I have a very strong testimony that he loves me and he loves Brian.  He wants what is best for us.  It's hard to see that this pain and heartache is what is best for us, but there must be a higher plan.  

There is a talk by one of the general authorities that talks about a young married couple who recently found out that the husband has cancer.  They came to this general authority for a blessing.  He asked the young couple, "Do you have faith to be healed?"  They fervently responded that they did.  He then asked them, "Do you also have faith not to be healed?"

That really hit me.  I know that all things are possible through faith and I have a firm testimony that Heavenly Father can bless us with those blessings that we most desire.  But do I have the faith to not receive those blessings if it is not in His will at this time?  ...It really gave me something to think about.  I realized that we need to have faith to move forward, no matter what the path ahead of us may be (much easier said than done).  ...So I will work on that faith. This doesn't mean that I have lost faith and hope that we can receive those desired blessing, but I need to have the faith to move forward if we are not entitled to those blessings at this time.  Perhaps it is not time for this mountain to move.  

It's a Tace Day

We think about Tace every day, but some days are definitely Tace days.  Today is one of those days.  Our little angel is 9 months old today.  I can't believe it has been almost a year already...  

My dearest Tace,

    I want to take a moment and write to you and tell you how much I love you.  You are on my mind and in my heart constantly.  There have been many things going on lately that have made me think of you even more than I normally do. 

    I'm sure you have met Axton by now...(I like to think the two of you are best friends just like your daddy's are.)  His parents, Morgan and Kacee, are some of Mommy and Daddy's best friends.  Our hearts broke when we heard that they lost Ax in much the same way that we lost you.  Tace, losing you has been the hardest trial we have ever had to face.  I truly do know that you have a special mission to serve and that you are needed on the other side of the veil right now, but knowing that doesn't make me miss you any less.  ...And now we are heartbroken that our friends have to experience this same loss.  However, it was a great comfort to all of us that you were there to welcome Axton on the other side. The four of us wish more than anything that the two of you could be here with us now, but if you can't be, we are grateful to have such amazing guardian angels watching over us. 

Two amazing dads with two amazing boys .

   We have also been hoping to receive the news that one of your siblings was on their way to join our family.  Your brothers and sisters will never replace you Tace...they couldn't.  But, your daddy and I long to have another little one in our home.  We did not get nearly as much time with you as we had hoped and dreamed of.  We got you so easily and now we are having to learn a lesson on patience as we continue to wait and hope for another little one.  If you could give one of them a little push and let them know we're ready for them that would be great! ;). Thanks for watching over all of them until they join our family.  You are already an amazing big brother and a great example to them.

   Another experience that made me think of you happened today.  I had the opportunity to hold your cousin Jaxon today (actually second cousin).  He is adorable!  It felt so good to hold him close.  It made me wish I could hold you close, even for just a few moments.

   Tace, one of my favorite places to be right now is in the temple.  I love it because the spirit is so strong and the veil is so thin at times.  I know that of all the places on earth, this is where I can be closest to you.  While I am there I like to close my eyes and imagine your little arms around my neck :). Sometimes I almost feel as though they are really there.  It is the best feeling in the whole world!  I can't wait until I can hug you for real!

   Oh Tace we miss you so much!  Know that we love you with all our hearts!   Please be close to us as often as possible and let us feel of your presence when you are there.

With all the love I possess,

Mommy

Fantasy Dates

I know it has been a really long time since I have written anything that doesn't have to do with our little Tace on this blog (since the first post).  The fact of the matter is that these past 8 months of our lives have revolved around Tace, learning to cope, and figuring out how to move forward without our little angel here.  However, there have been a few other things going on in our lives and I want to take a minute to share this fun idea that we have started.

Fantasy Dates.  They are great!  Bri got the idea off of a post he saw on facebook and we decided to implement it in our marriage.  So, once a month we go on a "Fantasy Date" and we take turns planning it every other month.  The rules:  when it is your month to plan the date, you plan something YOU want to do and take no consideration for your spouse's likes or dislikes.  Then the next month they plan something THEY want to do.  Sometimes it will end up being something that you both really enjoy, other times it may not.  It has been a ton of fun though because it has given us the opportunity to do different, fun things that we might not have done before.  And....it allows you to gain an interest, or perhaps a tolerance, for things that your spouse really enjoys.

So, here are our last 4 months of Fantasy Dates!!

April Fantasy Date (Heather)--UVU Ballroom Dance Concert

This is actually an old pic, but we forgot to take one while there!

May Fantasy Date (Brian)--Eating at a Sushi Restaurant

  

I did try it....not a huge fan sushi :)

And Bri loves it!

June Fantasy Date (Heather)--Racquetball

Bri plays racquetball all the time and is really good!
But, we have never played together (because I am not so good),
So for this Fantasy Date we played racquetball! 

It's a good thing he loves me otherwise this date may have been
fairly embarrassing for me.  Haha.  

July Fantasy Date (Brian)--ReAL Soccer Game!

ReAL Salt Lake vs. New York Red Bulls

I had so much fun with this awesome guy!

And we had incredible seats!! (Thank you Tanner and Kristyn Smedley for the tickets!)
The yellow box in the top right corner is surrounding us.  We had a great view!

And more to come as we continue on with our Fantasy Dates!

Giving Back

This Thursday, July 24, marks 8 months since we met our sweet little Tace.  His first birthday will be here in 4 more months.  For the past several months I've been thinking of different things I want to do to celebrate Tace on that day.  I want to establish some family traditions that will take place every year on or around his birthday that will remind us of him.

One tradition I want to start is making and donating items to the hospital for other still-births or premie infant deaths.  I know that the items we received from the hospital when we lost Tace meant so much to us and they are items that we treasure now.  I was so grateful to have a tiny outfit to dress him in and a small blanket to wrap him in.  The items given to us were made and donated to the hospital, and now I want to return the favor of providing something for others that meant so much to us during this trial.  These are the items that were given to us in the hospital:

Each year I want to donate either some blankets, some gowns, some remembrance boxes, or a combination of these items.  This year I have decided to make some little blanket/wraps for extremely tiny babies like our little Tace. Eventually I would love to learn to crochet so I can donate afgahns like the beautiful white one we received.  However, the blankets I am making and donating this year are little flannel ones.  

Here are the pictures of the first one I made.  I'm hoping to donate between 4 and 10 this year.

There is a little pocket to slide their feet into...

Then you wrap the edges and tie it closed.

The second one I made has a minky inside.

I am excited about this tradition that we are going to start and that it will give us a way to serve and give back to others as we celebrate Tace and the great example he is to us.