A song that says it all.

~Our Eternal Family~


Tace's due date is a week from today and I have definitely been experiencing a lot of ups and downs as this day approaches. Brian and I continue to miss him and wish that we were given more time with him in this life. At the same time, we know that he is fulfilling a great mission on the other side of the veil. We are proud to know that we have a perfect son setting an example for us and our future family and we feel hope as we get those glimpses of eternity. On the other hand, we continue to experience the heartache and sorrow of continuing forward without him here with us in this life. My mother-in-law, Darcy, shared the following song with us that says it all. I want to share it and my thoughts relating to it. The song is by Hillary Weeks and is called "Just Let Me Cry."



Just Let Me Cry

I believe that everything happens for a reason.
We’re not just tossed by the wind,
or left in the hands of fate.
But sometimes life sends a storm that’s unexpected.
And we’re forced to face our deepest pain.

When I feel the heartache begin to pull me under...
I dig my heels in deep,
and I fight to keep my ground.
Still, at times the hurt inside grows stronger.
And there’s nothing I can do but let it out...

Just let me cry.
I know it’s hard to see.
But the pain I feel isn’t going away today.
Just let me cry.
Till every tear has fallen.
Don’t ask when...
and don’t ask why.
Just let me cry.

When I agreed that God could put this heart inside me.
I understood that there would be a chance that it would break.
But I know He knows exactly how I’m feeling...
And I know in time He’ll take the pain away.

But for now...

Just let me cry.
I know it’s hard to see.
But the pain I feel isn’t going away today.
Just let me cry.
Till every tear has fallen.
Don’t ask when...
and don’t ask why.
Just let me cry.

I have felt joy,
the kind that makes my heart want to sing.
And so my tears are not a surrender,
I’ll feel that way again.

But for now...
For this moment...

Just let me cry.
I know it’s hard to see.
But the pain I feel.
Isn’t going away today.
Just let me cry.
Till every tear has fallen.
Don’t ask when...
and don’t ask why.
Just let me cry.

I believe that everything happens for a reason.

This song expresses the way I often feel in a way that I could not do in words alone. I love the very last verse of the song where it says "I have felt joy, the kind that makes my heart want to sing. And so my tears are not a surrender, I'll feel that way again. But for now, for this moment, just let me cry..."

Those lines are so true. I have felt exquisite joy, I have still had moments of joy in the past 4 months during this trial, and I know that I will experience much more joy in the years to come. However, I still feel heartache and I still feel pain and I still miss Tace....we always will. Sometimes those hard moments last for a couple minutes, sometimes a couple hours, and sometimes for days at a time. No matter how much joy we continue to experience in this life, those moments of heartache and longing will still come...and that is ok. We need to continue to grieve. We can't let the grief rule our lives, but grieving is ok. We grieve because we love....and I will never stop loving Tace which also means I will never stop grieving for his absence in our lives. And in those moments of longing for my little boy, what I need more than anything is a few minutes to just cry and mourn the loss we have experienced. However, like this song says, my tears are not a surrender and they do not mean that I have sunk into despair, nor that I have lost faith or hope. They simply mean that I miss my son and that I long to be with him. I know that time will come and I know that our family will be reunited as an eternal family unit. This knowledge brings me comfort and joy beyond belief. And I know in the eternal spectrum, that time is not far away. But, in our mortal state the time and space that separates us seems so long.

My mom shared a few quotes with me that I would like to post here:

I love both of these and I know that Heavenly Father does have a plan for us, and I know that he will continue to bless us as we turn to him and rely on him throughout this trial.

So in conclusion, for those of you who have lost a loved one, you understand....There are times when you just need to cry. This doesn't mean you've lost faith. It doesn't mean you've lost hope. It doesn't mean you will never be happy again. It just means you need a moment to mourn the loss you've faced, and then you can continue to move on with faith in our Heavenly Father's plan.

Tace, we love you with all our hearts!