What's Mine is Yours

I saw a music video to the song "What's Mine is Yours" by Katherine Nelson a few months ago on facebook.  I was recently reminded of the song and how much I liked it (or related to it) when my dear friend, Shanna Mele, sent me Katherine Nelson's CD for Tace's birthday with this song on it.  The lyrics, especially the first verse, really hit home.

 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dhMfQVBpoSY

What's Mine is Yours
Counting down days since nine months last summer
From the baby quilts to the sunshine light-switch cover
All the plans she made
Wall-papered dreams she made for him someday

The doctor hardly glanced her way and shut off the monitor
As he walked out the door he said "You're young, there'll be others"
No sirens or loud screams
No rushing or comforting
It was just over

On the longest road toward home
She parked in the church lot and cried
And said

What's mine is yours
It's always been
What slips through my hands has your fingerprints on it
I'm letting go
Remembering
Though Heaven's doors feel shut they're wide open
What's mine is yours

Teenage girl clinging to the gates of mercy
Holding the weight of the world and her newborn baby
Trying her best to be brave
Wrapped in hope giving him away to a longing family

When her courage met their eyes she saw
Somehow her baby was born to be in their arms
And cried

What's mine is yours
It's always been
What slips through my hands has your fingerprints on it
I'm letting go
Remembering
Though Heaven's doors feel shut they're wide open
What's mine is yours.

In this life we come and go and say goodbye
But there's more than we can see with our own eyes
And when my faith's a thread-bare blanket and I can't take it anymore
I remember
What's mine is yours

I'm letting go
Remembering
Though Heaven's doors feel shut they're wide open
What's mine is yours


Listening to this song brings back so many memories.  The whole first verse completely describes our situation.  We were so excited for Tace to get here.  We had bought all the baby stuff we would need, his room was decorated, etc.  Then, in a moment, everything changed so completely.  There were no sirens or loud screams......the world kept spinning just as it always had for everyone else.....yet for us, our lives had been forever altered and our hopes and dreams shattered.  Very few people ever got to meet and hold our sweet boy....Brian and I, both our parents, and my brother Trevor who was at the hospital with us (and the doctors and nurses who cared for us). To some his memory may be long since passed......yet for us, we think of him every single day.  I can relate to the phrase "Though Heaven's doors feel shut they're wide open."  There are times when it may feel like Heaven's doors are shut because of this trial we are facing; however, if we stop to count our blessings and recognize all the help and comfort we've received, we will know that Heaven's doors really are wide open.  Heavenly Father has been pouring out His love to us throughout this past year.  We wouldn't have made it this far without Him and the promises and covenants we have made through Him.  As I listen to this song, and think about how we have been watched over, I do need to remember that what's mine is His.....my little Tace was His before he was mine, and He loves him too.....more perfectly and completely than I ever could (which is difficult to comprehend).

So in conclusion, remember that what is ours is also His.....it always has been and ever will be.  And, He will always take care of those things we hold most dear, just as He is taking care of our sweet little Tace.  For now, we will hold Tace in our hearts while Heavenly Father holds him in His arms.

Turning Outward--A Month of Service

A few weeks ago we had a multi-stake conference for all the married student stakes and singles student stakes in the Provo area.  The first speaker at this conference was one of the stake presidents of a married student stake.  I can't remember his name, but I remember the message he shared.

His son, who was in his twenties, passed away around Thanksgiving last year....which means his son passed away within a week or so of when Tace passed away.  He talked about the pain and emptiness he felt and the struggles that he went through as he tried to cope with the loss of his son.  He talked about how all he wanted to do was turn inward....he wanted time to himself to go through the mourning process.  However, as a stake president, he had many responsibilities to attend to.  In the first 2 weeks after his son passed away, there were some major crises with members within his stake that he had to help take care of.  He again talked about how difficult it was to reach out and fulfill those responsibilities when he was barely functioning himself.  But, he realized as he reached outward to help others through their trials, he somehow was making it through his own trial.  He then emphasized that there will be times when we will all want to turn inward....but, it is at these times that we should do all we can to turn outward and help someone else in need.  If we focus on helping and serving others, we will receive the strength we need to get through our own trials.

I really liked this message.  So, we decided to start a new Christmas tradition.  This time of year is a time that would be really easy for Brian and I to turn inward.  Tace's birthday brings back memories and a heartache that can be overwhelming.  But, rather than turning inward and focusing on our loss, we want to turn outward in remembrance of our little Tace.  So, the tradition we are starting is "A Month of Service".  This will start every year on Tace's birthday, November 24th, and end on Christmas Eve, December 24th.  We made a stocking for Tace and each year we want his stocking to be filled with acts of service!   (We're getting started a little late this year.)

We would love to have as many friends and family members participate with us each year as possible.  (What better way is there to bring in the true spirit of Christmas than by serving others as our Savior would?!)  Each year I will use this blog, email, facebook, text, etc, to gather feedback on the acts of service.  These acts of service can be as simple as making a sibling's bed or as large as providing Christmas for a family in need.

For each act of service completed, please send me an email (heather.hales89@gmail.com), a text, a facebook message/post, or a post on this blog letting me know what the act of service was.  I will print them off once a week and fill Tace's stocking with them.  We hope to have a whole stocking full of service to go through on Christmas Day!  Thanks in advance to anyone who participates in this tradition with us.

Celebrating Tace's 1st Birthday

Dear Tace,

Happy Birthday sweet boy!  I can't believe your first birthday is already here.  I wish you could be here to celebrate with us. You are constantly in our thoughts and we want you to know how much we love and adore you.  Your dad and I can't wait until the day when we can be reunited with you once again.  

As your birthday has approached your dad and I have been thinking about what things we would like to do to celebrate you.  These are a few of the ideas we came up with:

First, we went to the temple the morning of your birthday.  This is one of our favorite places to be.  It is within the walls of the temple that we can feel you the closest.  I love that we live so close to so many temples.  It is great to be able to go as often as we want and have the opportunity to serve others and to feel your presence close.

Second, we donated some blankets and remembrance boxes to the hospital.  Tace, when you were born it meant more than anything to your dad and I to have a little outfit to dress you in, a tiny blanket to wrap you in, and a remembrance box to put your things in.  These items are now some of our most prized and valuable possessions.  All of these items had been donated to the hospital.  Now, it is our turn to give back.  We want to donate items to the hospital each year on your birthday so that other couples faced with similar trials will have something to wrap their precious angels in.  

And lastly, we did a balloon release for you at the cemetery.

Tace, we love you with all our hearts!  I hope you can feel all the love that we are sending your way, this week especially.  We wish we could have you here, but we know that you have a great work to do on the other side of the veil.  Happy birthday sweet boy.  We are one year closer to holding you once more!

With all the love I possess,
Mommy

P.S.  Your Grandpa Brent, Grandma Darcy, and Aunt Halli got these flowers for you.  White roses have become your flower (from the story shared in the post titled "5 Months").  This was a beautiful arrangement of little white roses.

Grandma Terri went down and decorated your headstone with this spray of flowers we made for you last winter and Grandpa Rick bought you the little back-hoe and dump truck.  He said that he thinks about you all the time, especially when he is driving the back-hoe or track-hoe at the ranch.  He wanted to get you a couple little toys so that you would have something to play with.  I thought that was so cute.  Your grandpa is one of the toughest men I know, but he has a soft spot for each of his grandkids.  It is so sweet to see how tender he can be.

Once again, we all love you SO much and we hope you had a wonderful birthday!

Sunday Will Come

Today marks one year since our sweet Tace came into our lives.  His actual birth date is tomorrow, but the Sunday before Thanksgiving is Tace's day to me as much as November 24th is.  It was the Sunday before Thanksgiving last year that we found out that our sweet boy would not be coming home to stay.

I have been nervous as this day and Tace's birthday have approached.  I didn't know what to expect, or how I would handle this time emotionally.  I want to remember our precious boy, yet at the same time, I don't want to put myself through re-living every difficult emotion and moment of this time last year.  We have been working hard on coming up with some traditions that we want to do each year around Tace's birthday to give us something to look forward to and celebrate rather than just mourning his loss (which I will post about once we've completed them), but those things won't start until this evening so I wasn't sure how this morning and afternoon would be for me.

So I went to church today...a little nervous about how my emotions might play out throughout the day.  The meetings went well and emotionally, I was doing better than I thought I would.  More than anything I just felt a longing for Tace, a longing for another baby, and wishing that I understood Heavenly Father's plan of why we can't have Tace in our lives at this time and why it is taking us so long to have another little one.  I feel like if I could really understand why, it would make it easier to press forward because I'd know the purpose behind everything that has happened, I'd know the lessons I'm meant to learn, and I'd know when those "good things ahead" would be coming into our lives.  Unfortunately, if I KNEW all of this it would eliminate the need for faith.  So for now, we will keep pressing on into the unknown with faith that there really are many 'good things to come'.

In Relief Society, a sister in our ward shared part of a conference talk given in 2006 and it was exactly the message I needed to hear....especially after having all of these "why" questions rolling around in my mind.  The passage she shared was from Elder Wirthlin's talk "Sunday Will Come".  I want to share a few of the parts that stood out to me.

I think of how dark that Friday was when Christ was lifted up on the cross...

...On that Friday the Savior of mankind was humiliated and bruised, abused and reviled.

It was a Friday filled with devastating, consuming sorrow that gnawed at the souls of those who loved and honored the Son of God.

I think that of all the days since the beginning of this world’s history, that Friday was the darkest.

But the doom of that day did not endure.

The despair did not linger because on Sunday, the resurrected Lord burst the bonds of death. He ascended from the grave and appeared gloriously triumphant as the Savior of all mankind.

And in an instant the eyes that had been filled with ever-flowing tears dried. The lips that had whispered prayers of distress and grief now filled the air with wondrous praise, for Jesus the Christ, the Son of the living God, stood before them as the firstfruits of the Resurrection, the proof that death is merely the beginning of a new and wondrous existence.

Each of us will have our own Fridays—those days when the universe itself seems shattered and the shards of our world lie littered about us in pieces. We all will experience those broken times when it seems we can never be put together again. We will all have our Fridays.

But I testify to you in the name of the One who conquered death—Sunday will come. In the darkness of our sorrow, Sunday will come.

No matter our desperation, no matter our grief, Sunday will come. In this life or the next, Sunday will come.

That last part is the part that I needed to hear.  As Elder Wirthlin said, each of us will have our "Fridays".  We most definitely have.  There have truly been times when we felt as though our world is falling apart and we have wondered if our hearts could ever be mended or put back together again.  I can't say they are mended yet, nor do I think they will be completely until we can hold our sweet boy in our arms once more.  However, the healing process is taking place and we are being strengthened and put back together a little bit at a time.

Elder Wirthlin goes on to promise us that our "Sunday will come.  In the darkness of our sorrows, Sunday will come.  No matter our desperation, no matter our grief, Sunday will come.  In this life or the next, Sunday will come."  I do know that our "Sunday will come".  At times it is really hard to wait for it when I am so impatient to receive many of those desired blessings now.  But, I do trust in Elder Wirthlin's promise.  There are good things ahead for us, we will have the opportunity to be parents again, and we will get to hold Tace in our arms once more because of the blessings of the temple.

In closing I want to share one more thought.  Brian's sister, Nicole, has been so close to us throughout this trial because she was expecting at the same time that we were.  She was also expecting a little boy and we had planned on Tace and Britt growing up together as the best of friends.  She knew that today could be a hard day for us and she sent us an email that really touched us both.  With her permission, I'd like to share the thoughts that she shared with us.

Dear Bri and Heather,

I can't even imagine what a difficult time this must be for you and a reminder of something that brings so much ache to your hearts. However, I wanted you to know that I am thinking about you and wish your sweet Tace a happy birthday.  I think about him often, pretty much daily as I watch my little Britt and talk to you both.

Today (Friday) while Britt was asleep and Dev was playing, I was mopping the floor and had a Christmas music station playing in the background. The song "Breath of Heaven" came on and instantly - even unknowingly I was in tears. I had to stop to gather my emotions. I stood there and listened to the words and thought about what had brought on the intense feelings. I don't think I had really heard the song since last year when we had a special RS lesson in 11th ward the Sunday after Thanksgiving. As I sat there between Heather and Mom as someone sang these words I was overcome with emotion then. The words pricked my heart as I thought about the recent events and the many baby boys in our lives...sweet Tace, my Britt, and the baby Jesus. I sat and contemplated Mary's fear and your loss and my heart ached for your grief and the large burden you were bearing.

I am waiting in a silent prayer
I am frightened by the load I bear
In a world as cold as stone
Must I walk this path alone?
Be with me now, be with me now

As I have watched you both this year and talked to each of you at different times I still ache for you, but I have also learned from you and seen you turn to the Lord to move forward with grace and courage. I have watched both of you offer your lives to the Lord and go to Him for strength to follow His plan.

Do you wonder as you watch my face
If a wiser one should have had my place?
But I offer all I am
For the mercy of Your plan
Help me be strong, help me be, help me

I also know that because another baby boy was born a long time ago in a quiet stable that we can receive strength and there is hope and a glorious future. I know He can and does hold us together and is our light in the darkness.

Breath of Heaven, hold me together
Be forever near me, Breath of Heaven
Breath of Heaven, lighten my darkness
Pour over me Your holiness for You are holy

After the song and RS lesson they gave us a bookmark with this picture. I can't see it now without thinking of those baby boys and the significant role that they each play in my life. I hope as you see this picture and hear this song that it will also remind you of those baby boys and even with the pain be able to feel the love of our Savior. Happy birthday sweet Tace. We miss you.

Love you,

Nicole

Ever since that Sunday after Thanksgiving that Nicole mentioned, this song has been one of my favorites.  I can't listen to it anymore without thinking of Tace and everything I was feeling that Sunday one week after we lost him.  There were so many lines that I felt applied to me then, and that I feel still apply to me now.  I am constantly praying for strength....I am frightened by the load I bear....I don't want to walk this trying path alone.....I need my Savior to be near me, to help me be strong, to hold me together, and to lighten my darkness.  However, one line that stands out more than any of the others is "But I offer all I am for the mercy of your plan."  The meaning of that line is difficult to take in at times....I know that Heavenly Father has a plan, and I know that I agreed to that plan before coming to earth.  I don't understand that plan completely at this time, but I know that there are sacrifices we will all have to make.  I never imagined my little boy would be one of those sacrifices I would have to make.  However, I feel like through this sacrifice I have come to know, and empathize with, my Father in Heaven so much more.  He was also asked to sacrifice His son for the mercy of this glorious plan.  That was a very difficult sacrifice for our Heavenly Father, just as this has been a very difficult sacrifice for us. But just as there was a reason that the Savior of the world had to be sacrificed, I also know that there is a reason that our little Tace couldn't remain with us.  Whether that reason is that he was needed on the other side, that Brian and I needed to learn some lessons through this trial, or a combination of both, I don't know.  But I do have faith that one day I will understand and that one day I will be able to see the purpose and the higher plan behind what now seems like such an overwhelming trial.  We just need to keep holding on and pressing forward with faith....and then our "Sunday" will come.

Our Family of Three

When Tace was born we didn't get very many pictures of Tace with Brian and I.  I've been wanting to take some family pictures that include Tace for a while now and we finally did it this weekend!  Thanks to my wonderful mother who was our photographer!  She did a great job.

Our family of three.

And some of just Bri and me.

Temple Marathon

So back in July I posted about how Brian and I have been doing a "Fantasy Date" once a month.  Well this month's fantasy date (October) was a lot of fun and a really neat, spiritual experience for both of us.

A couple months ago I started looking into some family history stuff and I wanted to find a family name for Brian and I that we could take through the temple.  It took a lot of looking, but I finally found 2 names for both of us.  The 2 females and 1 of the males were from my side and the other male was from Brian's side.

So, now that I had found us some names, I wanted to plan a time for us to take these names through the temple.  Thus, our October Fantasy Date was a temple marathon!  We wanted to hit several of the northern Utah temples that we had never been to before.  So...

We did baptisms and confirmations at the Salt Lake Temple.

We did initiatory in the Ogden Temple.

After completing Initiatory, we drove to Logan and spent the evening with our friends Curtis and Tiffany Larson.  We went to dinner at Texas Roadhouse (delicious!), played games, visited, and we stayed the night at their apartment.  It was a ton of fun to see them again and we had a lot of fun together that evening.

This picture pretty much sums up their personalities!  :)  They are both really fun and funny!















The following morning we got up and our marathon continued...

We did an Endowment session in the Logan Temple.

And finally, we did sealings in the Brigham City Temple.

Completed Names!!

 (1 male and 1 female still need their endowments completed.  We only had time for one Endowment session this weekend.  And, we need more information on the parents of these 4 people before we can seal them to their parents.)


It was such a neat experience.  It put a whole new emphasis on all the ordinances as we did them for someone in our family.  We both felt the spirit so strongly throughout all the ordinances.  This trip strengthened my testimony--both in the importance of attending the temple, and the importance of family history work.

We have heard so much about the importance of temple attendance lately from the general authorities.  This topic was talked about thoroughly during the Ogden Temple Dedication, it was the main theme in the General Women's Broadcast, and it was mentioned several times during General Conference this month.  If we want to remain strong through these latter days, we need to be in the temple.  The temple will help guard us from temptations, it will strengthen our family relationships, and it will give us the strength we need to make it through the trials we are facing.  (That last part is definitely true.  Attending the temple has helped Brian and I so much throughout this past year.)

So in conclusion....attend the temple! Go often! And if possible, take family names to complete.  It truly adds a whole new perspective to the work we are doing for those on the other side.

Keep Walking

So this morning, I'll admit that I was kind of upset and frustrated about this roller-coaster of emotions we keep having to ride....which is unusual for me.  I am more of a person who gets "sad" if things don't turn out the way I want, not "mad". And to clarify, I wasn't "mad" at Heavenly Father...I was just mad and frustrated in general.

I was having a hard time shaking the feeling off so I decided I should try to read my scriptures and get myself into a better frame of mind.  Well, let's just say I was sufficiently humbled.  I didn't even get as far as reading my actual scriptures...I opened my scriptures and looked at my bookmark.  It's a bookmark I got in Relief Society last year that had our theme for the year.  At the top it says, "The Pioneers Kept Walking!"  Then it has this quote from President Monson:

"This should be our purpose--to preserve and endure, yes, but also to become more spiritually refined as we make our way through sunshine and sorrow.  Were it not for challenges to overcome and problems to solve, we would remain much as we are, with little or no progress toward our goal of eternal life."

I think we've been experiencing a lot of the heat from the refiners fire lately...and sometimes it's hard to remember that we are experiencing these trials of our faith so that we may one day become more like our Savior.  Sometimes it is hard to see the big picture and the "higher plan" while we are here on earth.  I guess we just need to always do our best to remain faithful through our trials and continue pressing forward.

So, yes, I was sufficiently humbled.  We'll just "keep walking" and do our best to keep our heads held high and have a positive attitude as we continue our climb up these mountains. 

In conclusion I want to share one more quote.  A few weeks ago Brian and I reread Elder Ballard's talk from our last General Conference (April 2014).  This promise he gave still gives us both a lot of hope that one day some of these trials will come to a close.

"Your secret yearnings and tearful pleadings will touch the heart of both the Father and the Son.  You will be given a personal assurance from Them that your life will be full and that no blessing that is essential will be lost to you...Arms now empty will be filled, and hearts now hurting from broken dreams and yearning will be healed."

That is a great promise.  Someday our arms will be filled.  And some day our hearts, which are hurting from broken dreams of life without our sweet Tace, will be healed.  We'll "Keep Walking" with the hope of this promise in mind.

"Sometimes, that mountain doesn't move."

Brian's sister, Nicole, sent us this Charley Jenkins music video today and I loved the message that he portrayed.  (Thanks Nicole!)  Charley Jenkins is from our hometown of Roosevelt, Utah so it almost makes it seem more personal coming from him.  Thanks Charley for the beautiful and inspiring song.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J44vAOp1BmM&feature=youtu.be&app=desktop

That Mountain—Charley Jenkins

A young bride on her knees asking God, “Please, don’t let it rain.”

With the groom and family outside waiting, on her wedding day.

“Please let the clouds roll by.  Oh, give us clear blue skies,” she prays.

Down the road a few miles out of town a farmer’s on his knees.

His crops are dying in the fields.  They won’t last another week.

“Don’t let the clouds pass by.  Let rain drops fill the sky,” he prays.

Sometimes all we see is our slice of reality. 

And things are not as simple as they seem to be.

There’s times, hard as we pray, heaven has another way.

And even though there’s nothing faith can’t do,

Sometimes, that mountain doesn't move.

Gathered in a waiting room, the family hopes that the doctor’s wrong,

When he says machines have kept her here, but she’s already gone.

“Our daughter’s way too young.  Don’t let her days be done,” they pray.

Three floors up, just down the hall, a little one’s shutting down.

He’s been the first name on that list…going on six months now.

“Please let this be the day a new heart’s on its way,” he prays.

Sometimes all we see is our slice of reality. 

And things are not as simple as they seem to be.

There’s times, hard as we pray, heaven has another way.

And even though there’s nothing faith can’t do,

Sometimes, that mountain doesn't move.

I hope one day I can see all the strokes in the masterpiece.

And finally understand how they fit in the master plan.
(He's in the Roosevelt Cemetary in this scene...not far from where our little Tace's headstone is at.)

Sometimes all we see is our slice of reality. 

And things are not as simple as they seem to be.

It’s hard when we pray and heaven has another way.

And even though there’s nothing faith can’t do,

He knows what’s best for me and you,

And that mountain doesn't move.

I loved this message.  Part of it was hard to hear because I want the things I am praying for so badly, but I do know that our Heavenly Father has a plan prepared for us.  I love the chorus.  It is so true that often all we can see is "Our slice of reality."  It is hard to see the big picture and the overall master plan while we are here on earth.  My slice of reality really is all I can see, and right now our reality is that we have been facing some pretty big trials.  First, we lost our little Tace, which is a hard enough trial to face on its own.  And now, we're having to wait much longer than we hoped to welcome another child into our home.  Both are difficult trials to face....and especially both at the same time.  

Sometimes we may feel like our prayers are not being heard because we are not receiving the answers we are praying for.  It is hard when we are exercising our faith, doing what we are supposed to, and when we know that all things are possible through faith in our Savior...It's hard to not see the results of that faith in the manner that we desire.  But like this song said, "There's times, hard as we pray, heaven has another way. And even though there's nothing faith can't do, sometimes, that mountain doesn't move."  And I love what he adds in to the last chorus, "It's hard when we pray and heaven has another way.  And even though there's nothing faith can't do, He knows what's best for me and you, and that mountain doesn't move."  

We definitely have some mountains in front of us....and we've been praying that they will move.  However, it may not be time for those mountains to move.  I think we can continue to pray for them to move, but perhaps we also need to focus on praying for the strength to climb those mountains.  These trials are obviously happening for a reason....do I understand that reason? No.  Do I like it?  No....I'd much rather not be facing these trials.  But, I do trust in my Heavenly Father.  I have a very strong testimony that he loves me and he loves Brian.  He wants what is best for us.  It's hard to see that this pain and heartache is what is best for us, but there must be a higher plan.  

There is a talk by one of the general authorities that talks about a young married couple who recently found out that the husband has cancer.  They came to this general authority for a blessing.  He asked the young couple, "Do you have faith to be healed?"  They fervently responded that they did.  He then asked them, "Do you also have faith not to be healed?"

That really hit me.  I know that all things are possible through faith and I have a firm testimony that Heavenly Father can bless us with those blessings that we most desire.  But do I have the faith to not receive those blessings if it is not in His will at this time?  ...It really gave me something to think about.  I realized that we need to have faith to move forward, no matter what the path ahead of us may be (much easier said than done).  ...So I will work on that faith. This doesn't mean that I have lost faith and hope that we can receive those desired blessing, but I need to have the faith to move forward if we are not entitled to those blessings at this time.  Perhaps it is not time for this mountain to move.  

It's a Tace Day

We think about Tace every day, but some days are definitely Tace days.  Today is one of those days.  Our little angel is 9 months old today.  I can't believe it has been almost a year already...  

My dearest Tace,

    I want to take a moment and write to you and tell you how much I love you.  You are on my mind and in my heart constantly.  There have been many things going on lately that have made me think of you even more than I normally do. 

    I'm sure you have met Axton by now...(I like to think the two of you are best friends just like your daddy's are.)  His parents, Morgan and Kacee, are some of Mommy and Daddy's best friends.  Our hearts broke when we heard that they lost Ax in much the same way that we lost you.  Tace, losing you has been the hardest trial we have ever had to face.  I truly do know that you have a special mission to serve and that you are needed on the other side of the veil right now, but knowing that doesn't make me miss you any less.  ...And now we are heartbroken that our friends have to experience this same loss.  However, it was a great comfort to all of us that you were there to welcome Axton on the other side. The four of us wish more than anything that the two of you could be here with us now, but if you can't be, we are grateful to have such amazing guardian angels watching over us. 

Two amazing dads with two amazing boys .

   We have also been hoping to receive the news that one of your siblings was on their way to join our family.  Your brothers and sisters will never replace you Tace...they couldn't.  But, your daddy and I long to have another little one in our home.  We did not get nearly as much time with you as we had hoped and dreamed of.  We got you so easily and now we are having to learn a lesson on patience as we continue to wait and hope for another little one.  If you could give one of them a little push and let them know we're ready for them that would be great! ;). Thanks for watching over all of them until they join our family.  You are already an amazing big brother and a great example to them.

   Another experience that made me think of you happened today.  I had the opportunity to hold your cousin Jaxon today (actually second cousin).  He is adorable!  It felt so good to hold him close.  It made me wish I could hold you close, even for just a few moments.

   Tace, one of my favorite places to be right now is in the temple.  I love it because the spirit is so strong and the veil is so thin at times.  I know that of all the places on earth, this is where I can be closest to you.  While I am there I like to close my eyes and imagine your little arms around my neck :). Sometimes I almost feel as though they are really there.  It is the best feeling in the whole world!  I can't wait until I can hug you for real!

   Oh Tace we miss you so much!  Know that we love you with all our hearts!   Please be close to us as often as possible and let us feel of your presence when you are there.

With all the love I possess,

Mommy