Our Angel Tace

I have decided to post and share Tace's story. At first I was not sure I wanted to share something that is so personal and so difficult...however, I decided to share because reading the stories of other couples who have faced a similar trial has offered me peace and comfort more times than I can count. The first couple weeks after losing our sweet Tace I would sit for hours reading the blogs of other couples who had lost a little one. It gave me comfort to know that there were others out there who understood, to a degree, how Brian and I felt and the pain, loss, and heartache we were, and still are, dealing with. So I am sharing our story in the hopes that we can offer the same hope and comfort to someone else.

Our story begins at the end of July when we found out that we were expecting! We were so excited at the prospect of becoming parents and welcoming a little one into our home. We had our first ultrasound at 7 weeks because we have a wonderful family friend who is an OB/GYN who offered to do an ultrasound for us. The first thing he said to us when the image came up was "Congratulations, you are having a peanut!" That is about what he looked like at that point. :) We continued with our other appointments with our OB/GYN out here in Provo. At 15 weeks we found out that we were having a boy! We were so excited to find out the gender so we could start buying things and decorating the nursery. My pregnancy continued on and I was feeling great. Our 20 week appointment came and everything looked great. He and I were both healthy and strong.


Two weeks later, at 22 weeks, our lives were altered forever. Sunday, November 24, started out as any normal Sunday. Brian left early for bishopric meetings and I met him at church a couple hours later. As church progressed I started to feel really cold and tired. I went into the restroom after church and I noticed some irregularities in my pregnancy discharge. I was starting to feel a little concerned that something might be wrong. When I got home I took my temperature and discovered that I was running a low grade fever of 100.6 as well. I talked to Brian about it and we called both of our moms and his sister Nicole who was also expecting at the time to ask some questions. We decided that I must be coming down with a little something and we decided to have me take a couple of Tylenol and head to bed to try to sleep it off. Before I headed to bed I asked Brian if he would give me a blessing. He called his brother Mitch and together they gave me a blessing. Then I headed to bed hoping that I would be feeling better soon.

I woke up about 2 hours later and was shaking so hard I could barely hold still. I asked Brian to come take my temperature again. It was about 101.8 now. We were concerned that it had gone up since taking the Tylenol, but decided to try to rest a little more. Brian laid down with me to try to help me warm up. We dozed off and I woke up again about 30 to 45 minutes later. I took my temperature again and it was now 104. I woke Brian up and told him that I felt like we should go in to the doctor and figure out what was going on. My temperature was getting high enough that it was getting dangerous for me, which meant it was probably getting dangerous for Tace as well. We put our shoes on and gathered our things. We took my temperature one more time as we headed out the door. It was now 105. It had only been 5 minutes and it had already climbed another full degree. We hurried to the car and headed toward the hospital. On the way there Brian called the OB/GYN on call to see if we should come to American Fork and see him or if we should just head into the insta-care in Provo. He advised that we go to the insta-care because it was closer. As soon as we got there they took me back and took my temperature again. It was now 106.8....higher than they had seen before. They put me in a wheelchair and rushed me over to the Emergency Room instead and then straight up to Labor and Delivery. By this time I had tears streaming down my face. I knew something wasn't right with Tace...I could feel it. I wasn't as concerned about my own health at the time, but I had a distinct feeling that Tace was not ok.

As soon as they got me into Labor and Delivery they set up two heart monitors, one to track mine, and one to try to track Tace's. The two monitors both kept picking up my heartbeat and not his. The nurses wheeled in an ultrasound machine to check for a heartbeat again....the nurse could not find one. She called the doctor in to do a final check, but the results were the same....no heartbeat. It was confirmed that our little Tace had passed away. No words can explain the heartache and devastation that we felt as we realized that our little boy was gone.

I was induced immediately to start the labor and delivery process. Brian and I both called our parents to inform them of what had happened. No phone call has ever been so hard. Both of our parents left Roosevelt immediately to be with us through this trial. Both of our parents showed up around 11:00 pm and Brian Tace Hales was born at 11:41 pm. The doctor discovered that the umbilical cord had been wrapped around his neck and that this was likely the reason he had passed away. He was 1 lb 1 oz and 11 inches long. He was tiny, but he was perfectly developed and adorable. Our hearts broke over again as we held our sweet little boy close, relishing in these few earthly moments we would have with him. So many hopes and dreams were left unfulfilled as we mourned the loss of our son.




The hospital called in a bereavement specialist who was wonderful. She helped to give us as many memories with our sweet Tace as possible. She allowed Brian and I to help bathe and dress him. She provided a tiny diaper and a tiny gown that women make and donate to the hospital for situations such as ours. She also provided us with a beautiful hand-crocheted afghan to wrap him in. She made plaster molds of his hands and feet, took stamps of his hand and footprints, and took many pictures of Tace, us, and our family. She put all these things into a box of remembrance for us to have so that we would have some tangible items to remember Tace by.

I remained in the hospital another day and a half. They discovered that I had the Strep B virus in my bloodstream. They put me on several different anti-biotics to try to fight the infection and bring my temperature down. At first my body was refusing to fight the infection. It finally started fighting off the infection but the doctor was still very concerned because my white blood cell count was still very high, which meant the infection was not going away. They told me that if my white blood cell count had not gone down by Tuesday morning, they would have to call in the infectious disease specialist. Thankfully it finally dropped throughout the night and I was released to go home Tuesday afternoon. In the midst of losing Tace I sometimes forget how close we were to losing me as well. I am so grateful that I was ok and that Brian did not have to face losing us both.

We held a small graveside service for Tace on Wednesday, November 27...the day before Thanksgiving. It was so hard, but it was a beautiful service. My mom and Brian's mom went down to the mortuary that morning to prepare Tace for burial. My dad gave a beautiful opening prayer and Brian's dad presided and offered some words of comfort. Then Brian gave the dedicatory prayer. It was a beautiful prayer where he asked that Tace's grave would be a place of peace and comfort for us and our family and that we would be able to feel Tace close to us often.

We went back to visit Tace's grave Thanksgiving morning and the flowers had been frozen in such a way that their color, vibrancy, and shape had been perfectly preserved.

Seeing it still look so beautiful the next morning was such a tender mercy to us. It felt as though Heavenly Father was letting us know that He understands how hard this is for us and that He loves Tace too. Despite the heartache and loss we were feeling...I did feel peace and comfort as well that my Heavenly Father knows us and understands what we are going through. He too was required to give His "Only Begotten Son". I felt like I could now relate to my Heavenly Father on a whole new level. He truly does know the heartache we are feeling.

These past 3 months have been the hardest that Brian and I have ever faced. However, we have drawn closer together through this trial. Our little Tace was absolutely perfect. He was so perfect that he did not have to face the trials of this mortal life. Although I wish more than anything that we could still have him here with us, I am grateful that we were chosen to help provide him with the body he needs, and in return, we get to claim him as part of our eternal family forever. We miss him every minute of every day. However, we know that he is in the presence of our Heavenly Father and Savior who love him dearly. He has been called to serve a wonderful mission on the other side of the veil and he is now "about his father's business". It is a blessing to know that we have such a perfect son who is watching over us and our future family until we can all be together again.

Tace, we love you with all our hearts. Thank you for being our guardian angel.